


The Wave Breaking

by paperscribe



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Love Potion/Spell, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperscribe/pseuds/paperscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Lewis Fright Fest 2013.  A confessed criminal places a love spell on Lewis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wave Breaking

Alice Clark sat dejected in the interview room, having just confessed to the murder of Clara Pierce. "You don't understand."

"Seems fairly straightforward," Lewis said. "You murdered Clara because she'd upset your ex-boyfriend."

"My boyfriend," Alice said quietly.

Lewis shrugged. "Not what he says."

"I stopped being his girlfriend but he never stopped being my boyfriend."

"I suppose you did it all for love," Lewis said.

Alice looked at him coldly. "Do you know what it is to love someone so much you would do anything for him?"

"Sorry, no," Lewis said. Which, pronouns aside, wasn't strictly true, but Lewis didn't bring his family into the interview room, not ever.

"You will," Alice said, a smile creeping round her lips and eyes. "Soon. You'll fall in love, and it will be passionate, overwhelming, leaving you helpless to resist it."

Lewis felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle up a bit, but ignored the sensation. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I will." She still had that odd look of triumph on her face.

Lewis left the room. She had nothing more to say that he was interested in.

Innocent was waiting outside the two-way mirror. "You don't think that was a bit bizarre?"

Lewis shrugged. "People lash out when they feel they've been cornered."

Innocent looked through the mirror. "This gives me a bad feeling."

"It should do. She's a murderer," Lewis said.

That clearly wasn't what Innocent meant, but she remained silent, still looking through the mirror.

Lewis had forgotten all about the incident by the time he got home.

***

Lewis glanced up at Hathaway as he entered the room. "That a new shirt?"

Hathaway looked down at his light blue shirt, then at Lewis. "No, same shirt."

Something was different about Hathaway today. Lewis couldn't say exactly what it was, but…he had a spark to him, Hathaway. He looked nice.

"Brings out your eyes," Lewis said.

Hathaway smiled slightly. "Thank you, sir. I didn't know you were interested in fashion."

"I notice all sorts of things," Lewis said, though he wondered why he'd noticed it as well.

It looked good on Hathaway, though. Very good.

***

They were eating lunch side by side on a bench when Hathaway said, "Sir, are you all right?"

Lewis frowned at him. "How d'you mean?"

"It's just…you've been touching me today. More than usual. I wondered if something was bothering you."

Lewis realised his hand was on Hathaway's shoulder and moved it away. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Hathaway said. "I don't care about that. I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

Lewis nodded, fighting the small voice inside that told him he needed to be closer to Hathaway, that he would feel better if they were touching. "I'm fine."

***

But the attachment to Hathaway didn't go away. In fact, it only grew stronger over the coming days. Lewis began to miss him when he wasn't in the room, to notice how he moved and looked, how well he wore clothes…how beautiful he was.

He also became more aware of his own appearance. When he dressed in the mornings, he found himself taking more care, thinking about what would suit him better. When Hathaway complimented him on a dark grey tie, Lewis bought two more in the same colour so he could wear the colour Hathaway liked more often.

Lewis knew he was falling hard, and it surprised him. He hadn't experienced such an intense attraction or infatuation in a long time. More and more, Hathaway's importance in his life loomed larger and larger, and he couldn't make it stop, and most of the time he didn't want it to. Hathaway was everything. He was just…everything.

And Lewis loved him.

***

"Dunno," Lewis said, leaning back in his chair as they discussed a potential suspect. "He seems too cheerful to have done it."

"One may smile and smile and be a villain," Hathaway said.

"You think?"

Hathaway shrugged. "Shakespeare did."

"Oh." Lewis felt foolish. He'd missed the reference. Hathaway was so clever; how could he stand being around someone as thick as Lewis?

Lewis tried to stop thinking like that, but the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness hounded him. He excused himself to go to the lavatory, a small critical voice in his head still chanting _stupid, stupid, stupid_.

He sat in a stall, despair growing. He was too stupid for Hathaway. Hathaway would never love him. He probably didn't even like him.

It was only when Lewis found himself bent forward and sobbing into his hands that some logical part of his brain that rarely engaged these days posited the question, _What's happening to me?_ He would never have done this; he shouldn't be doing this now, but he couldn't seem to make himself stop, because it was all so overwhelming. It was wrong and it was wildly unlike him to be crying like this, to be so overcome by emotion, and yet he couldn't stop, couldn't reason his way free of it.

Hathaway looked up as Lewis returned to his desk. "Are you all right?"

Lewis was keenly aware that his eyes and nose were still red from crying. Eyes probably bloodshot too.

"Allergies," he said.

***

Even Lewis's fantasies in the shower had changed. He imagined Hathaway standing just behind him and peering over his shoulder.

"Looks like you might need some help with that," he imagined Hathaway purring in his ear.

When he took himself in hand and imagined that the fingers touching him were Hathaway's, he came after only a few sure strokes.

***

Innocent had told them the situation was a volatile one. She'd paired Hathaway with Thompson for this particular retrieval, which was just as well, because Lewis wasn't sure he was clearheaded enough to give Hathaway the sort of protection he should have. He, Gray, and some uniformed officers were there to provide backup.

When a shot was fired from inside the house, Lewis found it difficult to breathe, heart pounding in his head. Was it Hathaway? What if he'd been hurt? What if he'd been killed? What would Lewis do then?

Thompson eventually emerged, limping but victorious, villain in tow. And Hathaway was walking unscathed behind him.

Lewis didn't remember running, but the next thing he was aware of was throwing his arms round his sergeant.

Hathaway's hands rested gently on his back. "I'm all right, sir."

Lewis kissed Hathaway's cheek and held him tighter, thoughts crowding his mind. _You're safe. I thought I'd lost you. I couldn't bear it if I had. You're all right. You're here. I love you so much._

"I beg your pardon?" Hathaway said.

Oh no. How much of that had he said aloud? Lewis pulled back from Hathaway as though he'd been singed.

"Sorry," he said faintly. Then he turned and walked quietly away.

Hathaway found him sitting and staring at the river.

"May I sit?" Hathaway asked.

Lewis shrugged. He wondered what Hathaway would say about this. He'd suspected what Hathaway's response would be if the truth came out someday…which was why he'd hoped never to reveal it.

Hathaway sat beside him. "How long?"

"Two months now."

"Why didn't you say?"

"Inappropriate." Lewis stared at the water rushing past. "I'm sorry I kissed you."

"Are you?"

"No. But I should be. And it's the difference that worries me, when I'm clearheaded enough to be able to think."

He felt Hathaway's shoulder nudge his and looked over. Hathaway looked serious but not upset.

"We're all right, you and me."

Lewis shook his head. "How can we be?"

He felt Hathaway's warm, firm hand on his shoulder, and he leaned involuntarily into the touch, needing the comfort.

"Tell me," Hathaway said gently.

How could he describe it? It felt as though he were standing in the sea as waves crashed over him, drowning, but the waves were part of him too. It was as though Hathaway was always there in his mind now, real enough to want but not real enough to want him back. There was an emptiness inside him that kept growing and couldn't ever be sated unless the impossible were to happen.

"I f-feel…" But he couldn't say any of those things aloud, couldn't find a way to explain. He lowered his head, voice coming in a rough whisper. "I would do anything for you."

Even that much of an admission felt as though it was being torn from some deep, secret part of him. It sounded like hyperbole, but Lewis knew how true it was. Even if he didn't want to do something, if Hathaway had wanted him to, he would've done it to make Hathaway happy because he loved him so much. In one of his fleeting moments of clarity that came less and less frequently now, Lewis knew that was wrong too, that he shouldn't feel this way, that something must be the matter with him, and he felt momentarily frightened and completely vulnerable in a way he never had before.

"I've never seen you like this," Hathaway said softly.

"I've never been like this."

"What changed?"

"I don't know." Lewis turned to look at Hathaway, and the urge to caress his cheek was so strong that his hand was halfway there before Lewis realised what he was doing and dropped his hand.

"You can touch me if you want to," Hathaway said gently.

"This doesn't…" But Lewis's voice dried up before he could say 'bother you' or 'scare you'.

Hathaway shook his head no. "I can tell it does you."

Lewis nodded. "I…I need…"

"Go ahead." Hathaway's voice was so gentle, so kind.

Lewis reached out, hands shaking, arms slowly circling Hathaway. Then he shifted his weight, head resting against Hathaway's shoulder, body relaxing from its constant scream of _I need you I need you I need you_ to a more pleasant stream of _yes yes yes yes yes_. The intensity of the relief that came with the physical contact nearly took his breath away.

Hathaway's arms gently circled Lewis in turn. "Is this what you want?"

"I want what you want," Lewis murmured. "Always." Hathaway felt so good in his arms--so warm, so real, so solid. He smelled like fancy soap and his shirt was so soft, and Lewis loved him so much that his chest hurt.

He heard Hathaway's sharply indrawn breath. "What have they done to you?"

"I don't know," Lewis murmured, not caring any longer. "Doesn't matter now." _Now you're here._

Hathaway's hand rubbed up and down Lewis's shoulder. "I need you to think about something for me. Can you do that?"

Lewis nodded, eyes closing. "Mm-hmm."

"What case were we working two months ago? Clara Pierce?"

"Mm-hmm," Lewis said, stirring a bit as a stray memory floated across his mind. "Alice…"

"Alice Clark?"

Lewis nodded. "She made a prediction. Said I'd fall helplessly in love someday soon. She was right."

"Of course she was," Hathaway said, sounding grim. "That wasn't a prediction. That was a spell."

Lewis chuckled. "No such thing."

"There is, and you're under one." Hathaway sounded certain now.

Lewis frowned. "You're saying I don't love you?"

"I think you do love me. But you love me because you have to." Hathaway's hand stilled on his shoulder. "We have to fix this."

"No."

Hathaway sounded startled. "What?"

"This is who I am," Lewis said, trying to explain. "And I love you. If you take that away I won't be me anymore."

Hathaway squeezed Lewis's shoulder gently, affectionately. "You never should've loved me to begin with."

"James." Lewis said the name like a caress. "If you want me, we could…I would be happy, I promise. I'd be so happy. I can be what you want, anything you want."

"I want you to be you."

"I am."

"You're not."

"Just tell me what you want. I'll do anything." He sounded as desperate as he felt.

Hathaway sighed, and his arms tightened round Lewis. "I know you will."

Lewis was comforted by the continued touch. "I just need you so much," he whispered, nestling against Hathaway.

Hathaway's voice was very quiet, almost sad. "I know."

***

Hathaway invited Lewis home, which left Lewis feeling rather giddy. But after dinner, Hathaway spent the next three hours on his computer. Finally, Lewis crossed to Hathaway, hands resting on his shoulders.

"What're you doing?"

"Research."

"About?"

"How to break the spell."

"What's wrong with the spell?" Lewis felt rather petulant.

"I don't like you being under anyone else's control. Not even mine."

"Some people might consider it an amazing opportunity," Lewis suggested.

Hathaway winced, shaking his head. "I don't want to know those people."

Lewis pulled away. "How long will you be?"

Hathaway looked up and gave Lewis something resembling a smile. "Not more than an hour or two. You can wait up for me if you like."

"I will," Lewis said, leaning in to kiss Hathaway's temple. Hathaway's eyes closed, but only for a moment.

"I'll be in soon," Hathaway said, turning back to his computer.

***

Lewis was stretched out on Hathaway's bed, dozing, when Hathaway finally came in. Lewis opened his eyes.

"Find anything?" he asked.

Hathaway shook his head. "No."

Lewis rolled to one side. "Just as well." He patted the mattress. "Come to bed."

Hathaway's jaw worked a moment. "It's not fair."

"What isn't?"

"That it happened like this. I always thought…" Hathaway shook his head, interrupting himself. "Nothing. Stupid."

"You mean me?" Lewis asked softly.

"What?" Hathaway frowned at him.

"Stupid."

"No, of course not!" Hathaway sat on the edge of the bed. 

Anytime Hathaway stuck up for him or said something nice to him, Lewis felt like the sun was shining indoors. He smiled at Hathaway, whose breath seemed to catch in his throat a moment.

"I love you," Lewis said.

Hathaway nodded, very still for a moment. Then, slowly, he reached out his hand. Lewis took it.

"I've spoken with Innocent. You have a few days' leave."

"No!" Lewis was wide awake now, and panicked. "I can't be here while you're there."

"I thought as much. That's why I'm on leave as well."

Once he realised what that meant, Lewis smiled. "You took leave to be with me?"

Hathaway nodded.

Lewis tugged insistently on Hathaway's hand. "Come to bed."

"And do what?"

Lewis smiled coyly. "Well, if you're asking…"

"No, I'm not…" Hathaway hesitated, measuring his words. "Not ready for that yet."

Lewis nodded. "I understand." He paused. "I'd like to hold you, though, if that's all right. Keep you near me."

Hathaway nodded. "Yes, I can do that."

"Don't look so excited about it."

"If you…" But Hathaway cut himself short again. "I need to get into my robe."

"You sleep in a robe?"

"When it's cold out." Hathaway didn't seem to want to discuss it.

"Sorry," Lewis said. Stupid, he was so stupid, he was…

But Hathaway, as though he could see into Lewis's mind, stopped the mental cycle by touching Lewis's shoulder. "It's all right. You didn't mean anything by it." He stepped away to rummage through the drawers, taking his clothes into the lavatory. Lewis thought it was incredibly sweet that he was so shy.

Hathaway emerged not long thereafter. "Ready?"

Lewis nodded. "I thought since you were shy, I'd just stay in my clothes for the night."

Hathaway looked strangely relieved. "Thank you."

Lewis hesitated. "It is you being shy, isn't it? I know I'm not as young as you, but…"

Hathaway shook his head, moving closer. "It isn't anything like that, I promise. I like you as you are."

"Hoped you might," Lewis said softly.

They were close in Hathaway's small bed, but that suited Lewis. They found a comfortable position and Lewis curled up against Hathaway, thoughts drifting pleasantly far away.

_It's swallowing you whole,_ whispered a tiny voice in his mind. _Soon there'll be none of you left._

But Lewis, full of happiness, no longer understood what the little voice meant.

***

Hathaway was already awake when Lewis woke. "Good morning."

Lewis smiled at him. He felt unbelievably lighthearted, as though any troubles couldn't possibly exist when he was here with Hathaway.

"You're very beautiful," Lewis said softly.

For a moment, the guardedness faded from Hathaway's eyes, and he looked at Lewis with such shy delight that Lewis wanted to take him into his arms and coddle him and shower him in compliments till he felt as loved as he was. Lewis knew he would never forget that look. Then, abruptly, the guardedness was back, the emotion hidden.

"Thank you," Hathaway said.

Lewis nodded, touching Hathaway's cheek. "What should we do today?"

"I know what I'm going to do."

Lewis fought back disappointment. "Research."

"These spells can be dangerous," Hathaway said quietly. "I won't have you hurt."

Lewis smiled. "You like me."

Something very like pain briefly crossed Hathaway's eyes. "Yes."

Lewis frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'd best get to work." Hathaway was out of bed and out of the room so abruptly that it almost felt as though he hadn't been there at all.

Lewis sighed, stretching out a bit in bed. He could afford to sleep a little longer. He and Hathaway would have the next few days together.

***

Hathaway re-entered the room so quietly that Lewis only half-woke.

"Hello," Hathaway said softly.

"Mm," Lewis murmured. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I did," Hathaway said. "Apparently the answer was to do something I'd thought about doing the whole time."

"What's that?" Lewis asked drowsily.

Hathaway bent down, pressing a soft kiss to Lewis's forehead. Then, lips tickling Lewis's skin, he whispered, "I love you."

As if the kiss were magic, Lewis immediately fell asleep.

***

Lewis woke with a pounding headache. Hathaway was sitting anxiously on the edge of the bed.

"Are you all right, sir?"

Lewis groaned. "What the bloody hell did you do, knock me on the head with a bat?"

Hathaway still looked worried. "You don't remember?"

"Remember wh-" Lewis fell silent as the last few days came crashing back on him. He'd been…and he'd said…oh, no, oh, shit!

"You do remember," Hathaway said.

"I slept with you," Lewis said hoarsely, fastening on just one of the many things he shouldn't have done.

"There was nothing intimate," Hathaway assured him. "We were clothed and we held each other. That's all."

Lewis looked at Hathaway, realizing why his judicious, careful demeanour over the last day or so made sense. "You've been looking after me."

Hathaway cleared his throat but said nothing.

Lewis reached out, taking Hathaway's hand in his. "Thank you."

Hathaway gave Lewis's hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. "How do you feel now?"

"Head hurts," Lewis said. He didn't feel enspelled anymore; that desperate need to please Hathaway, to be whatever he wanted, had gone. Lewis was suddenly aware of how much worse, how much more embarrassing the last two days could've been…how much more he might've done if Hathaway had been less scrupulous. How he might have been trapped in that state forever if Hathaway had been less intent on helping him. "You saved me."

Hathaway shook his head.

"No, you…you did. I was…drowning, and you…" He'd brought him to shore, to solid land again.

"It's all right," Hathaway said gently.

Now that Lewis could think rationally, he could remember how kind Hathaway had been. He'd let Lewis hold him, and had held him back. But he'd behaved strangely too, insisting on dressing in the other room, saying that something wasn't fair, looking pained when Lewis had suggested Hathaway might like him…oh. Oh, was that what it was? The errant piece of Hathaway's behaviour clicked into place.

"You didn't tell me," Lewis said.

Hathaway shrugged. "It would only have confused the issue."

It took Lewis a moment to process the enormity of what Hathaway had done. "You love me, and you broke a spell guaranteeing I would love you back."

"If you didn't choose it, I didn't want it," Hathaway said quietly. "It wouldn't have been fair to either of us."

Lewis looked thoughtfully at Hathaway. "Did you ever notice your eyes change colour a bit, depending on what you're wearing?"

Hathaway looked at Lewis with dread. "Oh God. I didn't break it. It's coming back."

"No, you did break it," Lewis said. "But I was under that spell for two months. I had a lot of time to notice things about you, and those things I noticed haven't gone just because I don't want to reshape my whole self to please you."

"Then why-"

Lewis sighed. "I'm still off-balance yet," he admitted. "Got knocked off my feet a bit. I can't promise anything, but if you want to give this a go the long way, we can try."

"Are you serious?"

"What you gave up for me…what you did…" The enormity of it still boggled Lewis's mind. He'd thought he and Hathaway were close, but he'd no idea the connection between them was so strong, even when tested so strangely. Hathaway had given up his dream to give Lewis back to himself, and Lewis felt a fierce and undying gratitude for that. "And how you were with me…" Lewis had been in such a compromised state that Hathaway could easily have hurt him in a thousand ways, and yet he hadn't. He'd been nothing but gentle and caring. Lewis felt his eyes sting with the possibility of coming tears.

Hathaway's hand rested on his arm. "You're still overwhelmed."

Lewis nodded. "But there's something in me I reckon might make it to love." He rested a hand on Hathaway's. "And if I were going to love anyone, it would be you."

Hathaway blinked, and there was that unshuttered look of shy joy again. Even though Lewis wasn't enspelled to be madly or passionately in love with Hathaway anymore, that look in his eyes still made Lewis's stomach do a funny little flip.

"How will I know it's not the spell coming back?" Hathaway asked.

"If I start offering to turn myself inside out for you, you just hit me with the antidote," Lewis said.

"Meaning I kiss you." Hathaway looked as though he might smile.

Lewis pretended to sigh. "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." He paused, all at once nervous. "Are we…even after all this…"

Hathaway nodded. "We are."

Lewis was relieved to hear it. "Good." If they were sorted, the future would take care of itself.

Lewis's hand still rested on top of Hathaway's, and Lewis had no desire to move it anytime soon.


End file.
